One Day
January 10 is always a day full of love, regret, and pain for my family. It is hard to believe my brother would be turning 37 today. Because I still see the same 19-year-old face that I said goodbye to almost 18 years ago.
I loved my little brother, Brett, deeply, but the regret of not saying “I love you” one more time to him still lingers with a sting pain today. My brother and I were close. Out of our four siblings, we were the closest by age (23 months), so we literally grew up doing everything together. We ran with most of the same group of friends and were always with each other during the summers, playing baseball in our street, football in the yards, and late night roller hockey games.
But like a lot of brothers, we began to separate as we grew older, mostly because of school, sports, and a closer circle of friends. While I found academic success with ease, Brett struggled. The things I took for granted were hard for him, and soon became a shove into the wrong direction. As I headed off to college, Brett just tried to survive each day and make it to graduation. By the time he finally walked across the stage to end high school, he knew his future would be much different than mine. Classrooms were not the growing experience for Brett. They became a confusing jail where he felt trapped.
Two years later my brother was dead. And I was 300 miles away trying to figure out what I could have done more to help him. Those are the thoughts that still linger in my mind after 6,280 days without him. I try to turn those memories and pain into words. Just writing and writing. I hope to publish a book in the next two years dedicated to Brett and the stories that bound us together as brothers.
The following is a small poem in his memory.
One Day
One day we will see each other again when my time here is all said and done,
Throw a football, laugh, and hang out above near the rising sun.
One day I won’t feel so far away from you and the warmth you used to bring,
When we would make jokes, watch movies or listen to our favorite songs and sing.
One day I’ll be able to see your face in front of me and be reminded of how it always shined,
Instead of having to close my eyes and search the memories so distant in my mind.
One day we will be able to talk and ask each other what we have been up to all these years,
And no longer have to look back at the time lost between us and wipe away any more tears.
One day I’ll tell you about the son I named after you and how he loves to play video games too,
Then I won’t have to think about ‘one day,’ and I’ll see you and not forget to tell you ‘I love you.’
Happy 37th Birthday, Brett. I miss you and love you, buddy.
